#BEDM14 Day 14 – School Can’t Teach You That
It can’t teach you how to manage yourself. It can teach you lots of things, but not that.
A week ago I was feeling on top of the world. I was losing weight, eating well, exercising, and feeling great. A weekend consisting mainly of pizza, wine and gin and I went into this week feeling like shite. I knew I would, but that didn’t stop me feeling it. And it has not stopped. It has snowballed, in concert with a rough week at work. I feel like crap, have a hard day at work, need a drink, eat crap, don’t exercise, feel like crap, have a hard day at work… rinse and repeat.
I can see the pattern when it forms. I know the way to combat it is to do simple things that make me feel like I’m taking control of some small part of my life, like tidy my room, put stuff into piles that I can deal with and not have it just lying around,. Organise. But being aware of the pattern doesn’t stop you from feeling the feelings. I’ve pretty much hated work, the world, every living human and most of all myself and my life in general for the last few days (hence the lack of blogging).
And school doesn’t teach you any of this. It doesn’t teach you what warning signs to look out for, what certain foods can make your body do, how alcohol can exacerbate a poor mood, how it can spiral… It has literally taken me all my adult life to just learn to recognise the pattern.
The next step to level myself up as a human is to lessen those actions that create those negative circumstances in the first place. But that can be really difficult, as many of them are social in origin. Pizza and booze makes me feel sickly and bloated which makes me feel depressed which makes me want to drink alone and comfort eat crap, but when it is family offering the pizza and booze you can’t easily say “no thanks, I’m going to stay at home on my own and eat kale.” Simply being at work winds me up and makes me want to comfort eat and comfort drink but I can’t not go to work, sadly. So I watch for the patterns, and weather the storm, and tell myself it will pass, and try to take simple actions to make it pass quicker.
And school didn’t teach me any of that.