So Gaga is coming back, and her little monsters have been stamping their, um… what is it they have? Trotters? Hooves? Paws! They have been stamping their paws with anticipation. Now, I must admit to having a soft spot for the Lady. Despite me usually not usually getting on at all well with anything avant-garde, her insistence on being a positive force to her fans and encouraging them to tolerance and self-actualisation is a quality I value. I even own two separate songs of hers (I rarely buy albums, just songs that I like). Also, and more importantly, a fair few of her hits have been genuinely fresh, catchy and entertaining.
Applause I don’t think falls into this category. I mean it’s going to do well, obviously, but for me there’s not nearly enough richness, depth and polish for it to stick in my ear. Generic floor-filler keyboard backing. Ugh, where’s the TUNE? Born This Way had a tune. And some of the clunkiest lyrics I’ve ever heard come out of her mouth:
One second I’m a Koons, then suddenly the Koons is me
Pop culture was in art, now art’s in pop culture in me
All she’s done is shoehorn overly dense fauxlosophical babbling inside what’s effectively three lines repeated for three minutes, with a sub-standard club remix backing track. Über-meh. I like earworm tunes with catchy lyrics, not the anonymous Capital FM “MAKE SOME NOISE” bollocks that’s churned out these days. And get off my lawn!
Hopefully this is just a disappointing amuse-bouche to the satisfying main course that Artpop will offer. But Applause?
Sorry love, it’s no more than a golf clap from me.